Criticism

February 15, 2006 in Influence with 12 Comments

How do you handle criticisms when you are a pastor or leader within a ministry? This is a good question that is really very personal. Everyone has different ways to handle criticism. The struggle is trying not to let it become personal and affecting the way you minister to the body of Christ.
I really believe we must go back to the Bible to adequately handle conflict. Matthew 18 provides the clearest model for how we should respond to someone who has levied criticism. These are the steps that we must take to address an issue. Before we get to the steps, I would recommend that we examine the critique to see if there is any truth to the matter. We should try and see this from the perspective of the person who has levied the criticism. This hopefully will create a vital understanding of what the person is thinking and feeling before meeting with them. The next obvious step is to meet with the person to understand the criticism and hopefully come to a mutual understanding.
The most difficult part of this process is not letting things become personal. Both parties should always attempt to keep things very biblical. The communication part of the meeting is also essential. My wife often tells me, “Its not what you said, but how you said it.” Always exhibit the Fruit of the Spirit during the conversation. Always try to let it go after the discussion, holding on only hurts you.
This is just a few thoughts on criticism in the ministry.

  • Anonymous

    I agree that one should not make it personal and and I am sure we should keep it Biblical.AS for how we say things I definately agree that it’s how we say things,I know I have beenguilty of not choosing my wordswisely and I have been on the other end where what and how sonething was said greatly effected me.Bro.Ron

  • Anonymous

    I agree that one should not make it personal and and I am sure we should keep it Biblical.
    AS for how we say things I definately agree that it’s how we say things,I know I have been
    guilty of not choosing my words
    wisely and I have been on the other end where what and how sonething was said greatly effected me.

    Bro.Ron

  • Rodney Knight

    I agree about working through the Matthew 18 model for dealing with criticism and not letting issues become personal between the parties involved. One thing that I know and try my best to live is something that I learned in Scouts years ago that is part of the Scout Law ‘…I will do my best to do my duty to God and Country…’. I find that when I have done my best, criticism that comes my way as a result doesn’t sting as much; dealing with criticism from this angle is a lot easier than knowing that you shorted the task or person outright from the beginning. There will always be someone that could’ve done it better, cheaper, quicker and so on, but all I can be asked and expected to do, both by myself and others, is my best.As for ‘how we say things’… I was involved in a heated disagreement several years ago that revolved primarily around the ‘way’ things were said and the little nuances of body language that spoke volumes. I am not sure that the other party ever totally understood what was meant by ‘thinking about what you are saying’, but all was forgiven and we moved on. This affected both the way that I receive things people say as well as the way that I try to communicate with people. On the former, I try to be more forgiving, while on the later I try my best to filter my thoughts as I am going through them. Talk is cheap, but no amount of money can buy it back.

  • Rodney Knight

    I agree about working through the Matthew 18 model for dealing with criticism and not letting issues become personal between the parties involved. One thing that I know and try my best to live is something that I learned in Scouts years ago that is part of the Scout Law ‘…I will do my best to do my duty to God and Country…’. I find that when I have done my best, criticism that comes my way as a result doesn’t sting as much; dealing with criticism from this angle is a lot easier than knowing that you shorted the task or person outright from the beginning. There will always be someone that could’ve done it better, cheaper, quicker and so on, but all I can be asked and expected to do, both by myself and others, is my best.

    As for ‘how we say things’… I was involved in a heated disagreement several years ago that revolved primarily around the ‘way’ things were said and the little nuances of body language that spoke volumes. I am not sure that the other party ever totally understood what was meant by ‘thinking about what you are saying’, but all was forgiven and we moved on. This affected both the way that I receive things people say as well as the way that I try to communicate with people. On the former, I try to be more forgiving, while on the later I try my best to filter my thoughts as I am going through them. Talk is cheap, but no amount of money can buy it back.

  • Mr. Jared

    Though I have only been in ministry a short time. I have experienced several instances of criticism in the other churches I served in. It was some of the hardest experiences of my life to deal with. The reason it was so hard was because I didn’t approach the individuals after the criticism was done and it became personal. The pain sat and festered within me. It had a very lasting effect upon me. Ultimately effecting my every step. There is something to be said about Biblical confrontation, God will definitely bless it! The times I did approach it were blessed by the peace that only God provides. Deal with it because it took a 1-2 yrs for me to let go! Kyle that is an awesome passage that I will be using in the future. Thanks for being a Biblical pastor, it is the difference.

  • Mr. Jared

    Though I have only been in ministry a short time. I have experienced several instances of criticism in the other churches I served in. It was some of the hardest experiences of my life to deal with. The reason it was so hard was because I didn’t approach the individuals after the criticism was done and it became personal. The pain sat and festered within me. It had a very lasting effect upon me. Ultimately effecting my every step. There is something to be said about Biblical confrontation, God will definitely bless it! The times I did approach it were blessed by the peace that only God provides. Deal with it because it took a 1-2 yrs for me to let go!
    Kyle that is an awesome passage that I will be using in the future. Thanks for being a Biblical pastor, it is the difference.

  • corey thompson

    This may be one of the most important questions to answer. It goes hand in hand with the issue of dealing with stress. The first thing I think you should do is to not take it personal. Which is difficult when you are pouring your heart and sole into your ministry. Take comfort in the fact that christ himself endured considerable criticism. The next thing you should do is consider the criticism. Is there something to learn from it. Wheather or not it was intended fora constructive process or not there may be some validity in it. We should always get outside of ourselves to view things from a different perspective. I think you should also acknowledge the criticism with grace. Then, move on. Leave it beind and think about it no more.

  • corey thompson

    This may be one of the most important questions to answer. It goes hand in hand with the issue of dealing with stress. The first thing I think you should do is to not take it personal. Which is difficult when you are pouring your heart and sole into your ministry. Take comfort in the fact that christ himself endured considerable criticism. The next thing you should do is consider the criticism. Is there something to learn from it. Wheather or not it was intended fora constructive process or not there may be some validity in it. We should always get outside of ourselves to view things from a different perspective. I think you should also acknowledge the criticism with grace. Then, move on. Leave it beind and think about it no more.

  • Kyle Goen

    This is the toughest thing to do. Even when it becomes personal, and it will sometimes, we must remain above the fray of making our stance personally against someone. I always recommend make your point with Biblical clarity. Someone will have to take issue with scriptural principles not personal opinions and agendas.

  • Kyle Goen

    This is the toughest thing to do. Even when it becomes personal, and it will sometimes, we must remain above the fray of making our stance personally against someone. I always recommend make your point with Biblical clarity. Someone will have to take issue with scriptural principles not personal opinions and agendas.

  • corey

    Kyle,I think you are right. Scripture is the key.we should also try to view the criticisor with compassion,knowing that there are often spiritual forces at work. Our response to the criticism will affect our spiritual walk and their’s as well. Being a leader comes with grave responsibility, but wonderful rewards as well.

  • corey

    Kyle,
    I think you are right. Scripture is the key.we should also try to view the criticisor with compassion,knowing that there are often spiritual forces at work. Our response to the criticism will affect our spiritual walk and their’s as well. Being a leader comes with grave responsibility, but wonderful rewards as well.